Even angels cry sometimes
by Lil-Samuu
Summary: I've given this a high rating because it's dark angst and deals with some very nasty depression. Story about Colette's feelings when she feels she is no longer any use to the group and a burden.
1. Chapter one

Something different from the usual fluff I write, it's a bit of angst. I felt for poor Colette when she seemed convinced she was useless. I just had to write something, and angst seemed appropriate. Be warned, it's very dark angst, as she's very depressed, hence the high rating.

It's not set in any specific place or time in the game as I don't think it would fit in, however it would be some time after Colette makes it known she thinks she's useless and around a place like Flanor, where it's very cold and snow falls on a regular basis if that helps you at all.

SPOILER WARNING: MAJOR spoilers in this one about the way Colette feels, and about how her world regeneration journey goes. Colette feeling totally and utterly useless not ring a bell? Don't know how the journey goes? Haven't been around a lot of Tethe'alla? If you answered no to some or all those questions and want to avoid spoilers LOOK AWAY NOW. Thanks :)

Disclaimer: I don't own Tales of Symphonia. I like writing about it a lot, I like the game a lot, but I don't own it

* * *

Colette had no idea what time it was, other than a time when everyone else was asleep. But she herself couldn't sleep. Her mind raced around and around, each thought confirming more definitely that she was a failure and a burden.

She left her warm but thoroughly rumpled bed and wandered outside.

It was snowing. She'd loved snow when she was younger. It was rare that she saw it, but when it did make an appearance it was the perfect excuse for her and Lloyd to go and play. Staying outside for as long as they could, playing with the mysterious, cold substance until they had to concede defeat to the temperature and rush inside to sit by the fire with a warm drink.

No more doing that now though. Lloyd had plenty of friends now, not just her and Genis, and they were all better than her. They could do their jobs. They didn't keep failing and endangering everyone as she had.

He didn't need her any more, none of them did. She was being selfish just being around them, no doubt some danger connected to her would present itself to the group at the soonest opportunity. But then, she thought, she'd always been selfish. There were times when she'd wished she wasn't the Chosen, that she was just a normal girl living a normal life in the sleepy village where she'd grown up.

Perhaps it was because she'd had those selfish thoughts that she had failed. Perhaps because she hadn't gratefully accepted the honour of being the one who was to save their dying world, to become an angel who would ensure the survival of her world's people, that she had been punished.

Whether that was the case or not she was certain that she had failed, she was a worthless Chosen. No use for anything other than tripping up and getting in the way.

She felt a heavy, cold pain in her chest. Like she imagined she'd feel if one of their enemies stabbed a sharp sword through her heart and allowed the freezing cold of the snow to penetrate her wound into her heart and soul.

She howled, a pure sound of total and utter pain. The noise was so animal like she frightened some of the pet dogs in the area, who whimpered and barked their fear of this horrid, inhuman sound.

Colette dropped to her knees and pounded her fists on the cold, hard ground, not noticing the pain she should be feeling. She couldn't even go for a walk without making poor, harmless dogs think they were in danger, which they probably were, she was around wasn't she.

She howled again, unable to keep the sound and emotion inside of herself. She screamed and yelled until she had used every last ounce of energy in her small, worthless body.

She curled closer to the ground, none of her muscles fighting against gravity now. Snow continued to fall, as it always seemed to in this place. She didn't care, she couldn't even feel it now really. She was vaguely aware the snow around her was becoming deeper, but it didn't seem to matter. Nothing mattered.

* * *

The next thing she knew she was being slapped on the face and her name was being yelled loudly.

"Whaaaaaa?" she said groggily, not entirely sure what was going on. Her eyes slowly began to focus and she saw Zelos looking at her with a concerned look on his face.

"You awake?" he asked urgently. She gave a small nod and realised her body was stiff all over and she ached with pain. She shuddered as she felt the familiar effects of first aid being performed on her, but she blacked out again before it seemed to have any effect.

The next time she woke up Raine was there as well as Zelos. She felt more spells being performed on her by the two healers, but she wondered why they were bothering, she just wanted to sleep. She was being a pain again. Maybe if she gave in to unconsciousness again they'd just let her be and stop worrying about her she thought as the darkness took her a further time.

She was indoors when her eyes opened and focused again. She got the feeling that she was being gently rocked back and forth slowly, and could hear a loud, fast heartbeat against one ear. Another sound came to her ears.

"Colette, wake up, please, oh god please, Colette wake up," over and over again mixed in with the sound of sobbing.

"Lloyd?" she wondered aloud quietly.

"Colette?" she felt herself being moved a bit and she saw the face the voice belonged to. It was Lloyd. His eyes were red, he'd been crying.

"Oh Colette!" he cried, gripping her tightly in a warm embrace. She could feel his body shaking as he continued to cry. "What the hell did you do that for?"

"I, I'm being a burden again, I'm making you cry, please, I'm sorry Lloyd, please stop, I'm not worth crying over," she said.

"NOT WORTH CRYING OVER?" he screamed, and she recognised pain in his voice. "Colette," he lowered his voice and turned her so he was looking into her eyes. "Don't you EVER dare say anything like that again,"

"But I'm not, I'm just a worthless Chosen who can't do anything right, can't do the thing I was born to do, can't even look after my friends, they're always having to look out for me and keep getting in danger because of me, can't"

**SLAP**

She stopped mid sentence as unexpected pain hit her. She hadn't been slapped very hard, but the fact that Lloyd had hit her at all was enough to shock her out of her rant. He'd never, ever done anything to hurt her before.

His eyes widened in horror as he realised what he'd done. It had been a reflex action.

"Oh god Colette, I'm sorry," he moaned. He pulled her close to him. "I'm so sorry, Colette, I didn't mean to hurt you, I'm sorry," 

"It's OK," she said. She was still wondering why people were showing concern for her.

"No it's not OK. I never want to hurt you," Lloyd said firmly.

"It doesn't matter," she said. She felt him grip some of the loose material of her nightshirt in his mouth to muffle the howl of a scream he let out that seemed to go on forever. Colette recognised that sound. She'd made it herself not long ago.

"Lloyd, I," she started.

"Don't," he pleaded, his eyes desperately begging her not to continue. "Don't you dare say something like what you've been saying. How can you?" he started sobbing violently again, and she could barely hear him when he said "you're so important to me, how could you say things like that?"

Colette thought about what she'd heard deeply while Lloyd continued to sob against her. That couldn't be right, if she caused him so much hassle and trouble and pain she couldn't be important to him could she? But a tiny part of her thought she knew some of the feelings he experienced. She certainly knew the pain he'd expressed with that scream just now. And she knew that, if it came to a question of her life or his she'd give hers up without a second thought. That's why she'd gone along with the world regeneration journey. So that her life could be given so that people could live, and be happy.

But she'd even failed that. She was a useless Chosen wasn't she?

She felt so confused. And a wave of exhaustion came over her. She thought she'd better warn Lloyd before she fell asleep again. She didn't want him to worry, she'd made him worry too much already, and he clearly would worry if she blacked out again.

"Lloyd, I want to sleep again," she said. She felt his muscles stiffen up with tension.

"Promise me you'll wake up again," he looked directly into her eyes again, the desperately worried and panicked look in his own, same as before. She saw how important it was to him.

"I promise," she said, before sleep engulfed her once more.

* * *

She slept properly that time. She woke in a different place again, although Lloyd was still next to her. Someone, who knew, perhaps even Lloyd himself had carried her, had put them into a warm, comfortable bed which the pair were now curled up in.

She lay still and listened to Lloyd's breathing and his heartbeat. It was clear he wasn't sleeping deeply, even though he must be exhausted. He was curled protectively around her, her back curved along his chest and his arm around her, holding her close to him. She shifted slightly so she could see his face and her movement woke him up.

"You're awake," he sighed, absolute relief clear in his voice. "Oh Colette, I was so afraid," he breathed, tears welling up in his eyes. This time, however, she didn't tell him not to bother, that she wasn't worth it. She just turned to nuzzle her head onto his chest and gripped him tightly as they both cried, letting out deep, raw emotional pain, each teardrop carrying more away.

Eventually Lloyd's sobs slowed down enough for him to speak.

"Please, Colette, please please please don't ever leave me. You mean so much to me, if you weren't around I, I," he started to cry harder again. She nuzzled him, her own tears not yet under control, and waited patiently for him to be ready to continue.

"When they brought you in last night, and you were so cold, and so lifeless, I was so afraid. I was afraid I'd lose you, and a part of me felt like I was dying," he sobbed. "Please, Colette, I, I, I love you," he said nuzzling her. "Please don't take the person who means the most to me in this world away from me!"

Colette looked into his eyes, her vision was terribly blurred with tears but she could see he was sincere. She had an overwhelming desire to live, so long as she could always be with Lloyd. She tried to say something, but all she could do was continue to cry. As an answer to what he'd said she simply gripped him as tightly as she could, nuzzled her damp cheek his chest and said his name with all the love she felt for him between sobs.


	2. Chapter two

I thought this was going to be a one-shot, but apparently the chibi-muses thought otherwise LOL :)

Before anyone says anything, no, I am not trying to imply a romantic relationship between the two girls in this fic. As they've had similar experiences I believe it would be possible for Colette and Sheena to become close friends, and in this fic I see the relationship as something like sisters or best friends. Colette, while she is in many ways very mature, can be wonderfully child like and innocent at times. Hopefully I've been able to convey both sides of her personality here. I think Sheena would, being the older one who has had more time to mull over her experiences, find herself taking a sort of motherly role, trying to look after Colette. I think the two of them respect and like each other as friends. They understand each other and can help each other deal with the traumatic things they've had to go through I think. Just my opinion but I wanted to make it clear :)

Disclaimer: No, I don't own Tales of Symphonia. I love it, but I don't own it.

* * *

He was more awake than she was, his head lifted at the sound of the door opening and light footsteps entering the room. 

"Sheena?" Lloyd asked, a hand raised to his face, rubbing sleep from his eyes.

"Yeah, I thought I'd come and check on you two, and I brought this with me," the summoner lifted a tray containing a jug of water and some glasses. She put it down on the bedside table, sat on the edge of the bed then poured a glass of water which she offered to Lloyd. He accepted it gratefully and gulped the liquid down.

"How is she?" Sheena asked softly, nodding at the blonde who Lloyd was cuddling protectively.

"I, I think she'll be OK," he said quietly. "She's promised me she'll not do it again, and I trust her to keep her promises, she always does."

"Why did she do it?" Sheena asked.

"I think you'd better ask her yourself, it wouldn't be right for me to say, and I don't know if I fully understand myself yet," the brown haired boy said, running his hand gently through Colette's hair. The sleeping girl mumbled something softly in her sleep and snuggled closer to him. She sighed a contented sigh and mumbled "love you" before settling once again.

Sheena frowned, if the little angel loved Lloyd why had she nearly thrown her life away.

"I really need a shower, but I don't want to leave her on her own," Lloyd said.

"I'll stay with her if you like," Sheena offered quietly.

"OK, thank you," Lloyd nodded.

"Funny to think, when I first met you guys I'd been instructed to assassinate her, but now I'd do my best to protect her from harm. No one should be allowed to even try to hurt her, she's done nothing wrong. I really don't understand why she did what she did," Sheena looked at the blonde with a concerned expression.

"I know I can trust you to look after her, we talked about you having kind eyes once, and it's right. You're not a cold-blooded killer, you were only doing what you thought was best for your village," Lloyd said. Sheena felt an awful, heavy pain in her chest. Lloyd didn't know it, but he'd just opened up a horrid old wound.

"Colette, I'm just going to take a shower. I'll be real quick, OK, and Sheena's gonna stay to look after you," the swordsman was speaking to the angel in a reassuring tone. Even though she was sleeping he wanted her to know she'd be OK. Sheena sighed, that pair had a special, close bond.

Lloyd gestured to her and as he slowly slipped away from Colette Sheena snuggled in beside her. Colette sniffled and wiggled around a bit but soon settled. Happy Colette was OK Lloyd exited the room, leaving Sheena to brood over some not entirely pleasant thoughts.

* * *

As soon as Colette woke up she knew it wasn't Lloyd beside her. Whoever it was didn't feel like Lloyd and didn't smell like him either. She'd learnt to recognise his scent when she was younger, and had found it very reassuring and comforting when she'd been curled up beside him these past few, well, whatever it wases, she had no idea how much time had passed. 

She snuggled nearer the person holding her, knowing Lloyd would have left her with someone who could be trusted. Ah, she knew who it was.

"Sheena?" Colette said. She began to cough, a horrid, raspy cough. Her throat was so very dry and scratchy.

"Shh, hey, shh," the summoner said as she grabbed the jug from the beside table and poured a glass of water for the little angel. Colette sniffed at the glass, enjoying the smell of fresh water for a second, then gulped the contents of the glass down as fast as she could.

"Hey, hey, slow down, you'll give yourself hiccups!" the dark haired girl said. 

"Sorry," Colette breathed. "I was just so thirsty!"

"I bet you were, looks like you've dehydrated yourself crying so much," Sheena brushed her hand against Colette's tearstained cheek as the little blonde snuggled back under the covers.

"Are you OK?" Sheena asked.

"I will be, I, I have Lloyd now," Colette said softly.

"Have? Now? You always had his affections," Sheena gave Colette a concerned and puzzled look. The blonde looked away, uncomfortable

"Why'd you do it?" the dark haired girl asked softly.

"Oh Sheena," Colette flung herself into the older girls' arms and started crying.

"Oh, Colette, shhhhh, please don't cry any more, not again, shhhh, you've cried too much already I think," Sheena tried to soothe the sobbing angel. 

"I felt like such a failure, I couldn't do anything right. I was such a burden to you all and I didn't want to be any more. I wanted to get out of your way, so you could all get on with reuniting the worlds without me getting into trouble and hindering you every five minutes. I didn't want to be the cause of the failure of Lloyd's dream," Colette explained tearfully.

"You daft twit, you almost were. You should have seen him when Zelos and Raine brought you indoors. He looked like he'd been shot with some almost lethal magic spell. We couldn't get him away from you he was hugging you so tightly, willing you to get warmer and wake up.

"Hey, Colette, do me a favour. I care about you and him an awful lot. Don't upset my best friends or me by pulling anything like that again, OK?" Sheena said.

"No, no, I, I, oh Sheena, I want to live. Lloyd loves me and I love him so much, and, just, just the thought that he loves me makes me want to stay alive with every ounce of will in my being," Colette nodded.

"I don't get something," Sheena said.

"What's that?" Colette sniffed and accepted a tissue the summoner girl passed her. 

"He always loved you. Why did you try and throw your life away if he loved you and you felt the same way?" Sheena asked. Colette blushed uncomfortably.

"I thought he, you," she mumbled.

"You thought he liked me? Whatever gave you that idea?" Sheena raised her eyebrow in a questioning expression.

"Well," Colette blushed again and her gaze moved to Sheena's chest. Sheena looked puzzled for a moment but then she twigged.

"Oh Colette, you are completely daft!" Sheena said. "He's not Zelos! Honestly, he loves you for who you are, not what you look like! It was obvious he liked you, everyone could see that, except you apparently. You're a silly moo for not seeing it yourself," Sheena scolded lightly.

"I'm a silly moo!" Colette giggled, amused at Sheenas' choice of phrase. She glomped Sheena whilst mooing between giggles.

"That's right, mooooo!" Sheena mooed back at the little angel and giggled with her.

Eventually Colette stopped her giggling and bovine impressions. She tipped her head at Sheena.

"What's wrong?" she asked.

"What?" Sheena blinked.

"Your eyes, they're not happy," Colette said, staring into the summoners' dark eyes with her own deep blue ones. Sheena sighed a weary sigh.

"It's just, what you were saying about failure, I understand that feeling. When I was seven I failed to make a pact with Volt because I couldn't understand what he was saying. And because of that so many people from my village were killed or hurt. Plus now, you know, I kinda feel a bit responsible for you feeling the way you did, another person hurt because of me," Sheena said quietly.

"Sheena, don't blame yourself, look, see, I'm OK," Colette took Sheena's hand and put it on her wrist so she could feel her pulse. "Besides, now I know Lloyd loves me, and that's given me the best feeling in the whole wide world!

"As for Volt, well, I don't know much about that, but it doesn't seem fair that they tried to make you do something so difficult and complicated as forming a pact with a summon spirit when you were seven years old. I couldn't have done anything even remotely as difficult at seven, heck, I don't think, no, I know I couldn't now. I think you're amazing for being able to do it now. It wasn't fair you had so much pressure put on you when you were so young," Colette said firmly. She knew well herself the feeling of being pressured to be responsible at a young age, she'd been taught to be the Chosen since birth practically.

"But it was still my failure, it's still my fault all those people died!" Sheena sobbed. Colette wrapped her in a hug and let the older girl cry on her shoulder. She knew from very recent experience how cathartic a good cry could be. She held Sheena tightly and nuzzled her gently, letting her know she wasn't alone.

Eventually Sheena stopped crying.

"Thank you, I needed that," she said softly as Colette passed her a tissue.

"That's alright," the smaller girl said. "You can always talk to me if you need to. And Lloyd too, he's a good listener," Colette nodded.

"Thank you," Sheena smiled a small, grateful smile.

Both girls turned to the door as they heard footsteps coming up the stairs. They grinned when they saw who it was.

"Why, if it isn't the very bloke we were just talking about," Sheena smiled.

"Are your ears burning?" Colette giggled and pulled an equally, if not more so, happy expression.

"I heard you two talking earlier and I didn't want to disturb you so I went and cooked," Lloyd came into the room with a tray laden with three steaming bowls of soup and another jug of water. He put the tray on the floor, moved Sheena's tray from the bedside table then put his onto the table. The girls had moved over to make room for him so he snuggled in to sit beside them. He'd changed into a different set of night clothes after his shower and was glad of the warmth of the blanket Colette had grabbed which she draped around herself and Lloyds' shoulders.

He passed Sheena a bowl of soup which she tucked into ravenously then turned to Colette.

"I don't want you to force yourself to eat because I know you're probably feeling a bit queasy still after all you've been through and all that crying, but I think it'd be good if you tried to eat something," he said to the small angel as he picked another bowl up from the table. He put some of the soup into a spoon and offered it to her. She smiled and accepted.

Lloyd was pleased when he fed the last spoonful of soup to Colette, she'd managed to eat it all. He put the empty bowl on the tray then picked up the full one. He raised his eyebrow when he saw Colette gesture at it.

"You want this one too?" he asked.

"No," the blonde shook her had then gestured to the spoon. He passed it to her, puzzled, and didn't argue when she took the bowl from him as well. 

He understood when she offered him a spoonful of soup, she wanted to return the favour and feed him. He shrugged, smiled and accepted the soup.

Sheena smiled at them, and got the feeling everything would be alright. She put her empty soup bowl on the floor and leaned back, closing her eyes peacefully.

She opened them again when she felt something pulling at her gently. Colette had shrugged the blanket from her shoulders and had extended her wings. She'd wrapped one around Lloyd and the other around Sheena and was now smiling happily, finding the novel way to hug amusing.

Yes, Sheena thought, everything would be alright.


End file.
